(As verbatim as I can recall:)

Attention ladies and gentlemen: If you think you’ve figured out what’s been going on with construction the past few weekends, we have a whole bunch of new tricks for you. This week, this train is making all local stops to Chambers Street only, due to construction. The 2 train will also be making all local stops to Chambers Street. In addition, there is no service to Brooklyn from this side of Manhattan. May I suggest instead that you transfer at Times Square to an N, Q, or R train. Also, if you’re going uptown on the 2 train and see a 5 train, it’s because 5 trains are replacing 2 trains going uptown only. In addition, the 2 train is replacing the 5 train going uptown only. So if you see a 5 train, it’s actually a 2 train, and if you see a 2 train, it’s actually a 5 train. Go figure that one.

I will, thank you.

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